A Handshake from the Heart
by Cattiechaos
Summary: Hidan was actually having a good day. That was before Tobi came along.


_Disclaimer: If I were Masashi Kishimoto, then Hidan wouldn't have been blown into a million pieces and left to die underground. That is all! Please enjoy._

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Hidan was actually in a good mood.

Before the morning was over, he had showered, dressed, sacrificed ten virgins to his god, and showered again to rid himself of the bloodstains. Furthermore, his greedy partner Kakuzu had gone to collect a bounty, which meant Hidan had the entire day to himself. Life was good, he mused, stretching languorously.

Until...

"Hidan-san?"

The Jashinist twitched as he recognized the voice of Akatsuki's newest member -- Sasori's replacement. Hidan hadn't liked the puppet master (Hidan didn't like anyone, really); but Sasori was quiet and stayed out of his way, which the immortal had responded to by not using Sasori as a sacrificial victim in his rituals.

"Can Tobi come in, Hidan-san?"

Hidan's brow furrowed in annoyance. Clearly, Tobi had no idea what happened to people who intruded on Hidan's privacy, no matter how good of a mood the immortal was in.

"What the hell do you want?" Hidan yelled impatiently, lifting his head from his pillow. "I'm trying to sleep, damnit!"

"Tobi was just making himself known to his new family!" Tobi chirped, practically bouncing off the walls. Hidan could almost _see_ the rainbows and sunshine beaming out of Tobi's every orifice, and Hidan did _not _like rainbows and sunshine. Or Tobi, for that matter.

"Okay fucker, listen very carefully," Hidan growled, rising from his bed and backing Tobi up against the wall until they were almost nose-to-nose.

"Eep!" Tobi squeaked, as Hidan's violet eyes bored into him in a decidedly homicidal manner.

"This is Akatsuki, not a fucking day-care center and definitely not a fucking family, got it?!" the immortal snarled, hand snaking up to squeeze Tobi's neck for emphasis.

There was a pause.

"Hidan-san," Tobi said suddenly, as if he were not pinned against the wall by a foul-mouthed S-ranked missing-nin. "Can Tobi ask you a question?"

A vein in Hidan's temple throbbed. This bastard had better thank Jashin-sama that Hidan was in a good mood, because it was the only reason why Tobi's head was still attached to the rest of his body. "What is it?" he growled, jaw clenched.

"Hidan-san, have you...have you ever...have you ever been..."

"Jeez, just fucking say it already Tobi!"

"Has Hidan-san ever been hugged?"

Hidan's good mood was disappearing fast.

For once, words failed the Jashinist, and he spent a few moments in stupefied silence before the question actually sunk in.

"...WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" Hidan roared, glaring murderously at poor Tobi. People were known to have keeled over and died on the spot from the force of that glare.

Tobi managed to wiggle away from Hidan's death-grip, massaging his throat. "Hidan-san _did _say Tobi could ask him a question," Tobi said, sounding injured. "A hug is a handshake from the heart! Tobi wishes he were an octopus, so he could hug ten people at the same - eep!"

Tobi caught sight of Hidan's expression, which was akin to the one Deidara-senpai wore right before things went _boom._ Tobi got the vague feeling things were about to go _boom _very soon.

"You literally have fucking _three_ seconds to get out before I sacrifice you to Jashin-sama," Hidan swore, violet eyes flashing. "Get _out_."

"Does this mean Hidan-san has never been hugged?" Tobi asked, comically oblivious to the rising danger. "Hidan-san has never felt the warmth of a loved one's arms embracing him?" The masked-nin sounded heartbroken, before lighting up considerably. "Tobi has an idea! Tobi will hug Hidan-san!"

"OH HELL NO!" Hidan roared, wielding his scythe.

Tobi glomped.

Hidan swung.

_Shwwwwck._

"_Ahhhhh! Deidara-senpaiiiii!_"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Quit your bitching, it's only an arm," he griped, throwing his scythe aside. "Heathens these days."

Tobi whimpered. "But how is Tobi going to hug Hidan-san with only one arm?"

Yup, Hidan was definitely not in a good mood anymore.

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_A/N: Aww, poor Tobi! At least Kakuzu has lots of experience in sewing on severed body parts, so he should be patched up in no time. The line about wanting to be an octopus so you can hug ten people at the same time is a quote from Drew Barrymore, by the way. Please review if you enjoyed!_


End file.
